In Conversation with Ryan Martin: The Parenting Truths We’re All Thinking (But No One Says Out Loud)

There’s a moment most parents have, usually sometime between dinner negotiations and bedtime chaos, where you quietly think… am I completely messing this up?

You don’t say it out loud. You scroll past the perfectly curated parenting content, the calm routines, the kids eating quinoa without complaint, and you assume everyone else has figured something out that you haven’t.

Then along comes Ryan Martin with his new parenting book Little F*ckers, and suddenly it feels like someone has finally said the quiet part out loud.

And not just said it, owned it.

“Someone needed to call bullshit on it”

Ryan Martin’s parenting book didn’t come from a single moment. It built slowly through years of conversations with parents who loved their kids deeply but felt like they were constantly falling short.

“It was a stack of moments that finally tipped me over. I kept hearing the same conversations, year after year, with parents who genuinely loved their kids but had been sold this glossy, polished version of parenting that doesn’t exist.”

But the real push came from home.

“I told my daughter I had enough to write a book and she held me to it. While I procrastinated, she said to me ‘Dad, you are teaching me a powerful lesson about procrastination.’ That was it. I started writing that day.”

“And just like that, six months later, Ryan Martin’s parenting book was born.

The Title Every Parent Has Thought

Let’s address it, because you’re already thinking it.

Yes, the title is bold. Yes, it’s funny. And yes, every parent has thought it at some point.

“Standing in the kitchen, dinner burning, your kid melting down over the wrong colour cup, and you’ve got that quiet little voice going you absolute little fucker… and then the guilt rolls in because you’re ‘not supposed to think that.’”

Ryan isn’t glorifying frustration, he’s normalising it.

“The title is permission. It’s me saying, yeah mate, me too.”

Because loving your child fiercely and finding them exhausting, ridiculous and occasionally impossible are not contradictions. They are part of the same job.

What We’re Getting Wrong About “Difficult” Kids

After more than 20 years working with children, particularly those labelled as difficult, Ryan has a perspective most parents don’t get access to.

“That behaviour is the message, not the problem.”

It’s a shift that changes everything.

“Almost none of those kids woke up planning to be difficult. They’re hungry, tired, scared, don’t have the words, or something else is going on. Parents get hooked on stopping the behaviour and miss what’s underneath it.”

Instead of asking how do I stop this, the better question is what is this trying to tell me.

And often, the answer is simpler than we think.

The Parenting Myth That Needs To Go

If Ryan could remove one idea from modern parenting culture, it would be this.

“That good parents have it together.”

Because they don’t.

“That perfect mum doesn’t exist. The Instagram version is a highlight reel filmed between meltdowns.”

The pressure to perform parenting has left many parents feeling like they are constantly failing, when in reality, they are doing exactly what parenting requires.

Showing up. Trying again. Getting it wrong. Trying again anyway.

“Your kid doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need a real one.” It’s this kind of honesty that sets Ryan Martin’s parenting book apart from anything else on the shelf.

What Kids Actually Need (And It’s Not Perfection)

Underneath every tantrum, every door slam, every “I hate you,” there is a question kids are asking.

“Do you get me?”

“To be known. Not managed, not fixed, not improved. Just seen, known and heard.”

It sounds simple, but in the rush to correct behaviour, it is often the first thing we lose.

“The behaviour stuff sorts itself out when a kid feels connection.”

For The Parent Who Feels Like They’re Failing

If there is one moment in this conversation that lands hardest, it is this.

“The fact that you’re awake at midnight worrying you’re getting it wrong is the biggest evidence that you’re not.”

Because the parents who care the most are often the ones questioning themselves the most.

“You’ll mess things up. You’ll lose your patience. You’ll say the wrong thing. And your kid will still grow up loved and mostly okay.”

And honestly, that might be the most comforting parenting advice out there.

The Moment That Sums Up Parenting Perfectly

Of course, no parenting conversation is complete without at least one story that makes you laugh and question your life choices at the same time.

“My son started stealing my undies and wearing them around the house. Then he told all his mates, and when they came over they’d remind me I didn’t have any.”

The turning point?

“He only stopped when I stopped caring and started laughing.”

Sometimes the solution is not control. It’s perspective.

The One Shift That Changes Everything

If there is one takeaway Ryan hopes readers walk away with, it is this.

“Your kid isn’t broken and you’re not failing. You’re both just human, doing a hard thing together.”

Stop trying to fix your child. Start trying to know them.

Once that clicks, everything changes.

It gets lighter. It gets funnier. And most importantly, it becomes manageable.

So What Does Good Parenting Actually Look Like?

Not the polished version. The real one.

“It looks like leftover toast for dinner because you couldn’t be bothered cooking. It looks like apologising to your kid because you snapped. It looks like getting it wrong, noticing and trying again.”

It is not perfect. It is consistent.

“Real parenting is showing up, knowing your kid, picking your battles, laughing when you can and going to bed knowing you stuffed bits of it up and that’s fine.”

And maybe that is the message every parent needs to hear.

Where To Buy

Little Fckers* by Ryan Martin is available from 26 May at major retailers across Australia.